THE 80-20 RULE IN RELATIONSHIPS & LIFE IN GENERAL

In most cases, especially in RELATIONSHIPS, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship. There is always another thing or person (man or women) that you will meet and will OFFER you the other 20% which is lacking in your current relationship that you WANT, and trust me, 20% looks really GOOD when you are not getting it at all in your CURRENT relationship.

But the problem is that you will always be TEMTED to leave that GOOD 80% that you know you have and NEED, thinking that you will get something BETTER with the other 20% that you just WANT. However, as REALITY has proven, in most cases, you will always end up having JUST the 20% that you WANT, thereby, losing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already have or used to have.

Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life. 

CHEATING happens when you start LOOKING for your WANTS or what you don't have. Like, “Wow, this girl in my class is a real 'looker'. But it's not JUST her coca cola features that got me. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender & many other things that my GIRL FRIEND/WIFE is not”

Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more CHARMING or SENSITIVE, more alluring, more thoughtful, richer, and have greater sex appeal than your PARTNER/SPOUSE. And you will surely find a woman or man who will seem to “NEED” you and PURSUE you and go LOCO over you more than your spouse EVER did.

However, because no man or woman is PERFECT, because a spouse/partner will only have 80% of what you may be LOOKING for, CHEATING begins when you start looking for the MISSING 20%. Let's say your husband or boy friend is MELANCHOLIC by nature, you may find yourself drawn to the handsome guy next door who has a cherry laugh no matter what. Or because your husband/boy friend is the QUIET type, your HEART may skip a beat when you meet an old high school/college flame who has the makings of a TALK SHOW host!! Or because your wife or girl friend is a HOMEBODY in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil, you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt.

But wait! That's only 20% of what you don't have. Don't throw away the 80% that you already have! Because it represents all the years that you have been with each other. The STORMS you have WEATHERED together. The unforgettable moments of SADNESS and JOY as a couple, the many ADJUSTMENTS you have made because of the LOVE you have for each other, the wealth of MEMORIES that you've accumulated as LOVERS!

CHEATING happens when you start looking for what you don't have. But FAITHFULNESS happens when you start THANKING God for what you already have!

However, I'm not ONLY talking about relationships/marriage, I'm talking about life in general! Are you like the ECONOMY airline passenger that occasionally PEEKS through the door of the FIRST CLASS cabin, obsessed with what s/he's missing? Like, “They have got more leg room! Oh my, their food is served in porcelain! Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they've got personal videos!” I guarantee you'll be MISERABLE for the entire TRIP! Don't LIVE your LIFE like that. Forget about what the WORLD says is FIRST CLASS. Do you know that there are many first class passengers who are MISERABLE in first class because they are not RIDING in a private Lear Jet????
Don't lose what you have by desiring what you don't have because at the end of the day, what u have now was once desired by you. If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are, you are first class!

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SINGLENESS & HAPPINESS

LOVE and HAPPINESS are the two most sought after EMOTIONAL TRAITS pursued by humans. But whereas LOVE is universally viewed to be dependent upon interaction with another individual, HAPPINESS can be achieved by DEVELOPING a loving relationship with ONESELF. While most people prefer sharing the EMOTION of love in the context of RELATIONSHIPS, emotional interaction with others does not GUARANTEE that a person will be HAPPY.

Being SINGLE and HAPPY is a personal statement of SELF-SATISFACTION. It is achieved only through the pursuit of PERSONAL GOALS and INTERESTS, and by becoming sincerely content in the direction of one's individual DEVELOPMENT. It comes with the trial and error of facing life's challenges head on, and learning from the inevitable MISTAKES. It breeds personal RESPONSIBILITY, enhanced problem solving abilities, greater self awareness, and improved self-esteem.

Essentially, learning to find HAPPINESS while being SINGLE strengthens those attributes necessary to being happy in a relationship. It allows a person to enter a RELATIONSHIP with others better equipped to offer something to the relationship. It enables one to give of themselves, as well as receive from others, love in its PUREST and most UNCONDITIONAL form without the need of feeling INADEQUATE or UNDESERVING. It teaches us to embrace our STRENGTHS, and our SHORTCOMINGS, as well as the strengths and shortcomings of OTHERS.

Achieving happiness while being single is a PERSONAL JOURNEY, but it can be CHALLENGING. Most people become DEPENDENT upon nurturing from others at the moment of BIRTH. From that early age we are fed, held, clothed, and comforted, and consequently, an association is established which equates HAPPINESS with our interaction to OTHERS. At some point, that association is transferred from parental nurturing to the NEED for SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE, and eventually progresses to associating EMOTIONAL happiness to being FULFILLED through outside SOURCES.

Such individuals are WEANED from parental relationships, to social relationships, to emotionally intimate relationships without a break for SELF-DISCOVERY. And though some INTERESTS are developed throughout the process, those interests do not provide the EMOTIONAL GRATIFICATION to substantiate them through periods spent alone. In public they become SOCIAL BUTTERFLIES, masking any personal ineptness by over accentuating what they feel are their BEST QUALITIES. These are people who need to be in RELATIONSHIPS, because they equate having a PARTNER with being COMPLETE.

For those CAPABLE of being SINGLE and HAPPY, life can be fulfilling without the need for INTIMATE relationships. They find life's BALANCE within themselves, and in their ASSOCIATIONS with the people with whom they SHARE their EXISTENCE. It isn't that they aren't OPEN to INTIMACY, but they are less likely to SACRIFICE personal standards for the sake of an UNHEALTHY UNION. For them, it's more IMPORTANT to surround themselves with others who are GENUINELY HAPPY, than to be in an UNHAPPY RELATIONSHIP
**************Terry Marsh**************

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fOrGiVe & MoVe oN

Resentments are guaranteed to HINDER our GROWTH. We can never know full HAPPINESS when RESENTMENT clouds our VISION. Why is it so hard for us to "FORGIVE" the small injuries of life? We have never been promised FREEDOM from PAIN. Many of the lessons we are DESTINED to learn will scuff our egos. But we will know happiness, completely, if we FREE our minds of resentments.

When you HOLD resentment towards another, you are BOUND to that person or condition by an emotional LINK that is stronger than STEEL. Forgiveness is the only way to DISSOLVE that LINK and get FREE. Allow FORGIVENESS to enter into your heart; Forgive those who have caused you EMOTIONAL distress, mental pain or wronged you. HOLDING on to past HURTS is like being a PRISONER of your past or CAGED in your very own MIND or carrying around a ton of STRESS that weighs you down constantly. Free it all up and FORGIVE, even if you weren't the one in the WRONG.

Forgiveness does not have to be up for DISCUSSION but it does have to come from the HEART, genuinely. Forgiveness does not only OPEN up the gates to friendship but it does ALSO ALLOWS you the OPPORTUNITY to push away NEGATIVITY and to accept POSITIVE actions that PURIFY you. Always remember that in the LORD'S PRAYER, FORGIVE was used instead of LOVE because FORGIVENESS is the greatest expression of LOVE.! So Forgive and move on!

This may be the hardest thing for you to do but it will BLESS you, RELEASE you, De-stress you and REFRESH you. It's the BEST thing YOU can do to bring PEACE and CHANGE about you!
As people, we tend to WORRY about the things that don't matter and FORGET about the things that do. Enjoy your LIFE to the fullest because you never know when it's going to END.
So SMILE more, LOVE more and enjoy more. Dueling on things just RUIN your life; being MAD or UPSET with others, for things they have done, is just a WASTE of your ENERGY. You can't change the PAST or the MISTAKES; BUT you can change your FUTURE

Don't place your mistakes or other's MISTAKES on your head, their WEIGHT may CRUSH you. Instead, place them under your FEET and use them as a PLATFORM to view your HORIZONS because we can't go back in time and FIX our WRONGS, we have to deal with them and MOVE ON. Yet tomorrow we can CHANGE and make our WRONGS a RIGHT. So APOLOGIZE, FORGIVE, and only change the WHY, never the WHO. Let's Love them for who they are and not what they are.

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